My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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