shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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