he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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