she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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