I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
