I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i barfeds in our rink
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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