It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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