Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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