we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
