Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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