i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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