I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
