he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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