I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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