Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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