I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
