can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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