I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
