u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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