i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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