"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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