You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
