Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
