I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
