remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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