I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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