My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
