Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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