Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
