respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk is not a location!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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