trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
