She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
