I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
