Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
