its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
