You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
