just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
