I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
