Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
