Already got asked if we're dating
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
