puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she peed on how many people?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
