So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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