So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
