How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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