no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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