I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to calm my uterus...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
