It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
