your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
