you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
