I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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