I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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