why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
