i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
