just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
