exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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