Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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