arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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