I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
