the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
