I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I haven't been this sober since birth.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
