Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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