planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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