Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
