She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
