i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
