i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My ass is underappreciated
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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