I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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