I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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