Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
