What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
