So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
