When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
