She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
