his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
