Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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