It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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