there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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