The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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