Kareoke will never be a sober sport
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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